


Guilt

by GenKay



Category: Cobra Kai (Web Series)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Coming of Age, Complicated Relationships, Depression, Future Fic, Growing Up, Guilt, Jealousy, Sibling Rivalry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:13:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24777439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GenKay/pseuds/GenKay
Summary: Should he feel guilty? Does he have reason to?Shifting POV. Future fic.
Comments: 16
Kudos: 41





	1. Miguel I

He had no reason to feel guilty. None at all. He didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t do anything at all. Not that any of it was his business to begin with. He was just a kid looking to learn some self-defense. Their mess of a relationship was nowhere close to his fault. It was a disaster long before he came to the scene.

If anything, he should feel proud. Sensei used to be kind of a mess himself. He was drunk, angry and alone. He told Miguel how much he’d done for him – how he’d brought him back to the world, taught him how to be around people again, given him a purpose and made him a better father. Miguel _should_ feel proud of that, right? Sensei wouldn’t have given Robby even this much had it not been for him. He did nothing wrong here.

So why did he feel so guilty every time he saw that look on Robby Keene’s face? That hungry, heartbroken look like the boy was starving and Miguel had just swallowed the last bite of the food.

Miguel wasn’t taking anything from the guy. He wasn’t demanding anything that Sensei wasn’t giving freely. And he had needs too. He needed Sensei around him, encouraging him, teaching him, showing how to be better – surely Robby understood that. Ofcourse he did – that’s why he never said anything either.

* * *

Robby knew that it was his fault that Miguel was having such a difficult time. Miguel had forgiven him, but it was still his fault. And he wanted to make up for it. That’s why he was doing all of this, right? Like helping him get better by sparring?

“Go easy, Robby. Careful.” Sensei said as they exchanged blows and Robby pushed him back.

Robby nodded, serious, focused, not missing a thing.

Miguel was getting better – everyone said so – but he didn’t actually feel like it. Not until today when he managed to trip Robby and put him on his ass for the first time since the accident.

“Good job, Miguel.” Sensei said, clapping him on his back. “You’ll be back to winning tournaments in no time.”

That wasn’t actually true and Miguel knew that. No sane committee would ever let him compete with those pins in his neck. But just hearing those words made him feel warm and fuzzy enough to offer Robby a hand up.

That was the first time he could remember seeing that look. That slight widening and narrowing of eyes, the mouth falling open just a little and shoulders moving down an inch. But it was gone in a fraction of a second and Robby was taking his hand, commending his move.

Miguel thought he knew what that look was about. That feeling behind it. He’d felt the same way when he’d seen Robby with Sam. That sudden rush of disappointment of losing something you wanted so, so badly.

But it wasn’t the same here. Sam could only date one of them. There could’ve only been one winner there. But here, Sensei could care about both of them. Spend time with them together, love them both equally.

There was nothing wrong with that and it'd selfish of Robby to want Sensei all to himself. Ofcourse, he got that too, which was why he never said anything. But if he got it, why did he still get that look?

* * *

Sensei was trying so hard. Couldn’t Robby see that? He was including the guy in everything – even if Miguel didn’t want him there. How was it Sensei’s fault that Robby kept screwing it up?

Like with Cobra Kai – Robby wouldn’t join no matter how many times Sensei asked.

“Miyagi-Do is better for me.” He’d always say. “Mr. LaRusso teaches me balance and I really need that.”

“Cobra Kai has changed, okay?” Sensei explained once. “I don’t teach the same shit anymore.”

“I know. And that’s good.” Robby nodded. “But I still have a lot to learn from Mr. LaRusso.”

Why did Robby have to keep throwing LaRusso in Sensei’s face? Okay, to be fair, he didn’t do it deliberately. LaRusso just kept coming up, no matter how much Robby tried not to mention him. But it still hurt Sensei to see that Daniel LaRusso was getting to be a father to Robby in a way he couldn’t, no matter how hard he tried.

* * *

Like this time Sensei decided to teach them about cars. Every boy needed to know about cars in order to become a man, he said. He opened up the hood of his Challenger and walked them through the insides. What that thing does? What's this called? How does that work? – Sensei showed it all to them.

Miguel just absorbed it all with his blood ringing in his ears. He asked questions a mile a minute and Sensei explained it all to him with a proud smile on his face. Robby could’ve done that too, shown some interest, but he just stood aside with a bored look on his face. So ofcourse Sensei handed Miguel the socket-wrench first. He was the one actually paying attention. He was never going to learn this stuff from Mom.

Sure he messed it up a bunch of times. His hands got greasy and the wrench kept slipping. He couldn’t fit it on the bolts right and he was never sure how much pressure to apply. He was worried about accidentally breaking something. He got sweaty quick and ended up with grease on his face when he tried to wipe it off. Sensei just watched it all with an amused smile and for a moment, it was like it was just the two of them.

Then he remembered that Robby was there when the guy choked back a laugh as Miguel dropped the wrench for the fifth time.

“Like to see you do any better.” Miguel said to him, annoyed.

“C’mon, Robby, give it a try.” Sensei said, smiling, with a challenge in his eyes.

Robby shrugged and took the wrench from Miguel’s outstretched hand before getting to work.

_He has done this before. And not just once or twice,_ Miguel thought as he watched him work with practiced ease. There was no fumbling at all as he unscrewed the bolts one after the other and lifted the valve-cover.

“When was the last time you had this serviced?” He asked, looking down in annoyance, tapping at something inside. “This is coming loose. That’s what’s making that rattling sound.”

“You know about cars?” Sensei sounded impressed. “Who taught you?”

“Larry.” Robby replied, unwilling to say more.

“Who the hell is Larry?”

“The head mechanic at LaRusso Auto.” Robby sighed. “Y’know, where I work after school every day.”

“Right.” Sensei’s smile was gone. “So I guess I was just wasting my time here.”

Robby didn’t say anything.

_It’s your fault,_ Miguel thought. _You could’ve said something. You didn’t have to let Sensei make a fool of himself._

“I still want to learn, Sensei.” Miguel said, trying to comfort him.

Johnny nodded. “Guess you don’t need to be here, then.” He said to Robby. “Since you know this all already.”

For a moment, Robby got that look again. _What? Just because you know all this stuff means the rest of us aren’t supposed to learn?_ But it was gone and Robby just shrugged before going back inside.

* * *

It was like that with everything. No matter what Sensei tried, no matter what he did, Robby found some way to ruin it. He found some way to make Sensei feel bad.

Like with school. Sensei always asked them how they were doing, if they were getting good grades. And ofcourse, Miguel did. He had been a straight-A student all his life and Robby was a B-grader at best. Was Sensei not supposed to be proud of him? To smile and say “good job”? Or was he supposed to do badly on purpose, just to make Robby feel better?

Sensei even asked if Robby needed any help from Miguel. And Miguel would’ve helped him. He really would have. But Robby declined, telling them that Sam was already helping him.

How exactly was Sensei supposed to react to that? Was he supposed to be happy that LaRusso had gotten to this first as well?

Sensei tried to include Robby in everything they did. Cookouts, camping trips, talks about girls, game-days, little projects around the house. How was it his fault that Keene insisted on being all cold and passive-aggressive all the time? Miguel appreciated all the time and effort Sensei put into him – he participated, laughed more and actually listened. Keene just stayed quiet and sometimes, Miguel had a hard time remembering that he was there at all. He did what he was told, but not much more.

Was Sensei supposed to be happy about that – about the bare minimum effort when Miguel was putting his heart and soul into every little thing? If Sensei told Miguel that he was proud of him instead of saying that to Robby… well, that was his own damn fault. Miguel had no reason to feel guilty about it, no matter how many times he saw that look on his face.

And then there was the future talk...


	2. Miguel II

There was no way the college thing was his fault.

Miguel’s mom had worked very hard for him his whole life. She’d started saving for his college fund the moment he’d been born. And the least he could do to repay her was study hard and get into a good school. He was proud of his accomplishments – he had every right to be, right?

So, ofcourse he was going to tell Sensei about his early applications over dinner and ofcourse Sensei was going to tell him how great that was. That’s just how it worked.

“Have you started applying too, Robby?” Carmen asked, politely trying to include him in the conversation. “I’m sure Miggy could help you with your applications.”

Robby shook his head. “It’s fine. I’m not applying.”

“It’s too soon for him right now.” Sensei added. “Only smart kids apply this early.”

Okay, that obviously came out wrong. And Sensei did correct himself immediately.

“I mean, kids with the grades for it.”

“I know what you meant.” Robby said.

“I’m just saying, you have plenty of time to think about it.” Johnny said, smiling comfortingly.

“I know.” Robby replied. “But I’m not applying because I’m not going to college.”

* * *

They all sat there in stunned silence and Robby continued to eat as if he hadn’t just dropped a bomb on them. Not go to college? That was unheard of. Sure there were people who couldn’t get in, but Robby wasn’t that bad of a student. And if he really applied himself, there was still time for him to get his grades high enough to go to a decent school. Maybe not Ivy League but still a good one. Not wanting to go to college – that was just unnatural.

“Ofourse, you are going to college.” Sensei said, incredulous. “Everyone goes to college. Even I went to college.”

“You dropped out.” Robby reminded him.

“And look at how that turned out.” Johnny argued. “Who knows what I could’ve become had I just stuck with it?”

“Maybe this is a more private conversation…” Carmen suggested but no one was listening to her.

“Robby, you have to think about your future here.” Sensei continued.

“I have thought about it.” Robby replied. “And I decided that I don’t need to waste four years going after a pointless degree that I’m probably never going to use.”

How the hell did this evening go so wrong? All Miguel had wanted today was some appreciation for all the hard work he’d been putting in. Couldn’t Robby let him have even that much? Did he have to make everything about himself?

“It won’t be a waste.” Johnny insisted. “Even if you don’t use it, it’ll open doors for you. You need to go to college to be successful in life. That’s just how it is.”

“Robby, I have to agree with your dad here.” Carmen chimed in. “I’m sure if you give it a little more thought, you’ll see he’s right.”

Robby sighed, unveiling his trump card. “Mr. LaRusso never went to college and he’s more successful than anyone at this table.”

_Low-blow, Keene. A real low-blow._ But they had no answer to that. The argument was kind of ironclad.

“Is that what LaRusso has been teaching you?” Sensei said with a clenched jaw. “That you should just give up on yourself?”

“Actually, he says I should go.” Robby told them. “But it has to be my choice. And I’m choosing not to.”

Sensei was already breathing hard. Mom looked a little nervous about where this was headed. And Miguel - well, he was getting angry too. Keene had no right to dump on his ambitions like this. And he should’ve talked to Sensei about this instead of Mr. LaRusso.

“I’m not gonna let you throw your future away.” Johnny said with a finality in his voice that always ended such discussions. “You’ll feel differently about it once you’ve had time to think.”

_Let it go, dude,_ Miguel begged quietly. _Just let it go._ Robby wouldn’t.

“Have _you_ thought about it?” Robby said, annoyed. “Like really thought about it?”

“Yes.” Johnny said firmly. “And you are going. That’s final.”

“And how am I gonna pay for it?” Robby argued. “Mom blew what she had on booze. Do you have some secret stash I don’t know about? Anything saved up to pay for college?”

Sensei was speechless. Miguel hadn’t thought about that either – too secure in his knowledge of his own future to consider that angle. Sensei had only recently gotten his life together and the money from the dojo wasn’t going to be enough to pay for a college education. Not even close.

“Or do you want me to go into debt?” Robby continued. “Spend half my life paying back money I didn’t need to borrow in the first place?”

Sensei opened and closed his mouth, trying to find the words.

“We’ll figure something out.” He said, finally. “You don’t have to worry about that stuff.”

“Yeah, well, now you don’t have to either.” Robby said dismissively, going back to his food.

Miguel could practically see the wheels turning in Sensei’s mind. He was trying to think of something, come up with some argument to win this. But it felt like Robby had them beaten at every turn.

In the end, it was Carmen who thought of something.

“This is a much bigger discussion, okay?” She said, calmly. “We can all talk about it later, after we’ve slept on in and then we can come up with a plan for your future.”

Good. That was good. Put a pin in it. Robby was just talking out of fear of not being able to get in. Once he thought more about it, once he slept on it…

“I already have a plan.” Robby said. “Once I graduate, I’m gonna start working full-time at LaRusso Auto.”

_Goddammit._

“So that’s your plan?” Sensei said angrily. “Live off LaRusso’s scraps for the rest of your life?”

Robby’s face contorted in rage at that.

“Fuck you.” He gritted out. “I earned every penny that Mr. LaRusso ever gave me. I don’t need a rich step-dad cleaning up my messes.”

_Shit. Shit. Shit._ It looked like they were going to come to blows over this. But Carmen put calming hand on Johnny’s arm.

“That wasn’t fair, Johnny and you know it.” She said. “Robby works hard and he really has earned that job.”

She turned to Robby next.

“And you don’t have to decide your future right now.” She smiled. “That’s what college is about. Getting more options. I’m sure Daniel’s job would still be waiting for you in four years.”

“So I should waste a thousands of dollars and four years of my life only to end up with what I can have right now?” Robby asked. “How does that make any sense? Options don’t matter if I already know what I’m gonna choose.”

He had them, Miguel knew. He’d already thought through it all, come up with counterarguments for everything Sensei could throw at him. There was no winning this. But it didn’t stop Sensei from making one disastrous last attempt.

“Well, Miguel is going and I’m going to be damn proud of him for it.” Johnny said.

And there was that look again. Lasting longer and more painful this time. But soon enough, it was replaced with cold disdain.

“Excuse me.” Robby said, putting his fork down. “I think I’m done for the night.”

* * *

That was the first time Miguel heard Mom and Sensei fight. Sure, Carmen had been angry at Johnny before, but this was probably their first real fight.

“It’s about the money.” He heard his mom argue that night. “Robby will change his mind once you work that out. I’m sure if you ask your step-father - ”

“Not a chance in hell.” He could hear Sensei reply. “I’m not going to that asshole for anything ever again.”

“It’s for your son, Johnny.”

“That’s right. _My_ son. Which means it’s _my_ responsibility.” Sensei said, ending the conversation. “So stay out of it.”

Why did Keene have to ruin everything? Why couldn’t he do this one thing just to make Sensei happy?

* * *

So Robby was probably not going to college. That’s how things stood. Robby stayed adamant about his decision and Sensei took every opportunity to try and make him change his mind. The best way, he decided, was to try and use Miguel to inspire Robby.

_Real subtle, Sensei. You think Robby can’t see through that?_

But Johnny was committed to using every tool in his box. He brought up college and higher education every chance he got. He kept asking Miguel about his applications and acceptances and kept saying how Miguel had a bright future ahead of him.

And that look on Robby’s face kept coming back more and more often.


	3. Miguel III

This was good news. No, this was great news. Sensei and Mom were tying the knot. Getting hitched. Walking down the aisle. Getting married.

There had been no proposal, per se. No romantic evening out where Sensei got down on one knee and put a ring on her finger. They were too old for that crap, apparently. Too mature. Sure Sensei would propose correctly later, but it was already decided. They’d talked it over one night and told the boys the next day.

And it wasn’t like they were rushing into it either. They’d decided to move in together first – find a bigger apartment that could fit five people. Miguel and Robby would have to share a room, ofcourse, but that was alright. It wouldn’t be for long – Miguel would go off to college soon anyway. Then Robby could have that room all to himself. Except for when Miguel came back, obviously. And once they learned to live with each-other, they’d arrange for a date and have a small ceremony.

Ofcourse Miguel was ecstatic about that. Finally Sensei was officially going to be his dad, even though he was more or less like that already. And nothing Robby could say or do would ruin this for him.

And Robby being his brother… well, he was good with it too. He had grown used to the guy, maybe even liked him a little. He was always quiet around Miguel – a little too quiet – but he never said anything bad to him, always did whatever Miguel wanted, never hassled him or teased him. Maybe they’d grow closer, living in the same room. Maybe Robby would finally open up to him a little.

“Congratulations.” Robby said with a smile that definitely did not reach his eyes. “I’m happy for you two.”

He wasn’t fooling anybody, but atleast he had the decency to hide his real feelings and Miguel guessed that was something. He didn’t understand why Robby had to be such a pain about everything, but he knew that this arrangement wouldn’t work unless they were all onboard.

So it was time to get to the bottom of this. Set Robby straight once and for all. Figure this shit out even if he had to kick his ass again.

* * *

Miguel found him later that day at Miyagi-Do, taking his anger out on the punching bag.

“What’s up, bro?” He said casually, trying to start off on the right foot here.

Robby didn’t respond. He was too focused on trying to find a way to destroy that bag for good.

Miguel walked over, stepping behind the bag and holding it in place.

“You need a spot?” He asked, trying again.

“You don’t want to be in my range right now.” Robby said through gritted teeth. “Trust me.”

Miguel sighed, holding up his hands in surrender and backing away.

“Why are you being such a bitch about it?” Miguel didn’t have to specify what “it” was – they both knew. “I thought you liked my mom.”

“I do.” Robby replied, punching harder. “And I’m happy for them.”

If this was his happy face then it needed some real work. Miguel had seen Robby angry before, but he didn’t think he’d seen him this angry. His whole forehead was red and Miguel could see the veins standing out.

“Yeah, you look it.” He said, sarcastically. “You had to know this was coming, right? They practically spend all their time together already.”

Robby didn’t answer, still focused on the bag.

_What’s going on? Why is he reacting like this? Is he worried that Sensei would stop caring about him once he has a new family? He should know better, right?_

“Look, Sensei won’t care any less about you.” Miguel tried again. “This won’t change anything.”

Robby stopped, closing his eyes and putting a hand on the bag.

“I know that. Nothing’s gonna change now.” He said. “But did you ever think that maybe I wanted things to change?”

That didn’t make any sense. Why would Robby ever want Sensei to care less about him? Maybe he meant something else here.

“Hey, it won’t be so bad. I can be a good roommate.” Miguel smiled. “Just as long as you do all my chores. You still owe me that.”

That was his trump card with Robby. Sure, he’d forgiven him for what had happened, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t take advantage of it every now and then. Like whenever he wanted Robby to do something and Robby looked like he was going to refuse, all he had to do was just pull it out and Robby was like putty in his hands.

Not this time though. This time, Robby just glared at him angrily.

“You can’t hold that over my head forever.” He said coldly. “I know what I did was fucked up and I’m sorry for that, but that doesn’t make me your slave.”

Miguel was taken aback at that. _Did I take it too far?_ He hadn’t meant to – he’d thought it was just them having a bit of fun.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” He said, frowning, ashamed. “I’m sorry.”

Robby shook his head and went back to punching the back again.

_He doesn’t still hate me, right? He can’t still hate me. I thought we put it all behind us._

“I just mean, it’ll be great.” Miguel said. “Us being brothers.”

Robby stopped again.

“You are not my brother.”

He started up again.

The rejection hurt more than Miguel would’ve expected it to. A lot more. _Well, I don’t want to be your brother either,_ he wanted to say. Except, he realized that he did want that. He had grown to like Robby – to appreciate his calm, quiet demeanor as opposed to his own over-enthusiastic one. To appreciate how he never fought with him no matter how much Miguel teased him. And especially, to appreciate how he was always just there for anything Miguel needed.

“Alright, friends then.” Miguel said.

Robby didn’t respond, still focused on the bag.

“Roommates?” He tried again. “C’mon, you have to give me that much atleast. We have to get along if we want to be roommates.”

“That’s never gonna happen.” Robby said stiffly with another punch.

“What? We are not going to get along?” Miguel scoffed. They got along already. Atleast, Miguel did.

“We are not going to be roommates.” Robby explained. “Dad won’t shift right away and it’s only a matter of weeks now.”

“What is?” Miguel asked. He stepped up to the bag again when Robby didn’t answer. “Hey, what’s gonna happen in few weeks.”

Robby sighed, putting his hands down. He didn’t look angry anymore. Just tired.

“I’ll turn eighteen.” He replied. “And as soon as I do, I’m moving out.”

* * *

Miguel stood there, dazed and speechless, as Robby went back to the punching bag. The frenzy, the intensity was gone now, like Robby had gotten it all out the moment he’d landed that sucker-punch on Miguel.

_Moving out? Moving out? As in not live with Sensei anymore? Why not? Who wouldn’t want to live with Sensei? Or is it me that he wants to get away from? Does he still hate me that much?_

“W-Why?” Miguel got that out somehow.

“Because I don’t want to live there anymore.” Robby replied flatly.

So simple. So obvious. So… meaningless.

_I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not because of me. It can’t be._

_It has to be… It’s because I’m taking everything from him. I treat him like crap, I make him do all my stuff, I make fun of him, I take up all of Sensei’s time and attention and leave nothing for him and I make him feel bad at every turn. Ofcourse the thought of living with me sends him running._

“I’m sorry.” Miguel said in a rush, grabbing Robby’s shoulders and turning him towards him. “I’m sorry for everything, okay? I’ll do better from now on. I promise. I won’t ever say you owe me – for anything. And I won’t talk about college or school. And I won’t make fun of you and I can start doing chores now and - ”

“- And as much as I’d love all that, it’s not about that.” Robby patted his hand before moving away. “You didn’t do anything and I’m not leaving because of you.”

_Then why? It wasn’t because of mom. Robby liked her. So because of Sensei? But things were good between them now. Except for the college thing, which was…_

“I can talk to Sensei. About college.” Miguel suggested. “I’ve been doing some research and I didn’t say anything before, but you have some really good points there. College degree doesn’t guarantee a job anymore and there are plenty of rich, successful college dropouts. I mean, Bill Gates dropped out of college – the richest guy in the world. I can explain all that to Sensei. He’ll get it.”

Robby looked amused. _I’m getting somewhere._

“Thanks. That would be something to watch.” Robby said. “But that won’t change anything either.”

“Then what will?” Miguel asked, frustrated. “Help me out here. Tell me how to fix this.”

Robby shook his head again. _He’s not going to tell me. Stupid, stubborn, passive-aggressive ASSHOLE._

“So what are you gonna do, huh?” Miguel asked angrily. “Have you thought this through? You just gonna live with Mr. LaRusso again?”

Robby shook his head. “I’ll find my own place. Someplace cheap and small.”

“With what money?” Miguel argued, remembering Robby’s own argument. “Do _you_ have some secret stash we don’t know about?”

“Kinda.” Robby replied. “I’ve been saving up what I make from the Auto-Shop. And Dad never stopped the automatic child-support payments. I can pick up a few extra shifts if I need to, but between all of this, it should be enough.”

It was the college argument all over again. Robby had already thought this through. Planned everything. An answer for every objection.

_No, he couldn’t have. Sensei just told us the news today._

“You are not thinking straight.” Miguel tried again. “You don’t know what it’s gonna be like, living alone. There is a ton of stuff you need to take care of.”

“You think this will be the first time I’ve lived alone.”

_Shannon… she used to leave him home alone all the time. He CAN do it. He is used to taking care of himself._

_But he shouldn’t have to._

“Robby, please…” Miguel racked his brain for something – some angle, some argument, something he wouldn’t be able to refute. “Sensei would never let you.”

“I’ll be eighteen. So he can’t stop me.” Robby replied casually.

An answer for everything…

“You’ll really hurt him if you do this.” One last try. “You’ll destroy him. You know that, right?”

There it was – that same broken look. And it didn’t go away this time. _He doesn’t want this either. He hates this too. Then why is he doing this?_

“He’ll be fine.” Robby said. “You’ll take care of him.”


	4. Johnny I

He had every reason to feel guilty. A whole lot of them. He did everything wrong. From the moment Robby was born. He failed his son again and again. He screwed up his life. The kid needed him and he was never there for him.

But he had changed, right? He wasn’t perfect. Maybe not even great – but he was better. Right? He was here for Robby _now._ He was trying to be a good father. Surely that meant something.

“Tell them.” Miguel said that evening and the words sent a chill through Johnny’s spine. “Tell them or I will.”

Robby sighed. “I’m moving out in a few weeks.”

_A joke. Some sick prank the boys came up with. Don’t fall for it._

“Yeah, we all are.” Johnny said. “We’ll start looking for a place soon.”

“I mean I’m gonna look for a place of my own.” Robby repeated.

_Okay, so maybe not a joke. A bid for attention? No – a bargaining chip. He wants something so he’s opening with a big bluff._

“Robby, what is this about? You don’t want to share a room with Miguel, is that it?” There was obviously more to it, but he could start with a lowball too. “We can find a bigger place. It’ll be pricey, but I’m sure we can afford it.”

“Dad. Listen to my words.” Robby said, deliberately. “I’m moving out. I’m gonna find my own place and I will live there alone.”

_Yes, I understand those words individually – but they don’t make any sense together like that._

“Robby, you can’t live alone.” Johnny said firmly. “You are just a kid.”

“I’ll be eighteen in a few weeks.” Robby said flatly. “And I’ll move out the next day.”

_Eighteen? An adult?_ That was impossible. Robby was just a child yesterday. A four-year old looking up at him with eyes full of anger and hurt after being told that they wouldn’t be living together anymore. And now…

He wasn’t bluffing. He was serious. Johnny had missed his whole childhood and his son was grown up now. He was the one leaving Johnny this time. He was the one walking out.

_No, not yet._

“Is this about what I said before?” Carmen asked, with her hand over her mouth. “Robby, I know I said some things to you - ”

“It’s not about that.” Robby replied calmly. “It’s about what I want.”

“This isn’t going to work, okay?” Johnny chimed in. “We can’t afford to rent two apartments.”

“I don’t need your money.” Robby said.

_I never needed your money. That was the only thing you had to give._ That’s what Johnny had said to Sid when he had ended their relationship for good. And Robby was saying the same thing to him now. In the same tone. It had taken him thirty years to break free of Sid and Robby was doing it in just one.

_He’s ending things with me. For good. I thought I was fixing them but it wasn’t enough. Was it too late from the start?_

_No, it’s not too late. Whatever it is, I’ll fix it._

“Miguel, we should go.” Carmen said, standing up. “Let them talk about it in private.”

“Mom…”

“Miguel! Let’s go.” Carmen repeated firmly, not looking at either of them.

_Say something to him,_ Johnny thought after they’d left. _Ask him how you screwed up. Tell him you’ll do anything to fix it._

“You don’t have to go to college if you don’t want to.” It had to be about that, right? “If you feel this strongly about it…”

“Thanks.” Robby said tonelessly. “But this isn’t about that.”

“Is it about Carmen then?” Johnny asked. “About what we said this morning? You don’t want us moving in together – is that it?”

Robby smiled sadly and shook his head.

But that had to be it, right? Robby was just being an insecure child and… and he had every right to be one. They’d barely started getting to know each-other and Johnny was already looking for a new family. How the hell was that supposed to make him feel?

Johnny had anticipated some of this. He’d expected some resistance. He’d expected Robby to be a little upset, a little worried about being sidelined, about being loved less. And he had a plan to handle it. He was going to do whatever he needed to to reassure Robby.

But if he felt this strongly about it…

“We don’t have to do that.” Johnny said. “I don’t have to get married.”

Robby gave him a painful look.

_Not enough. This isn’t enough. I’ve neglected him all his life. I needed to make him my priority and I failed him again. He deserves my full, undivided attention. I owe him that._

“Look – I’ll stop seeing her, okay?” Johnny pleaded. “I’ll stop hanging out with Miguel too, if that’s what you want.”

“Is that what you think of me?” Robby said incredulously. “That I want you to be miserable?”

“I don’t know what you want.” Johnny almost shouted. “I don’t know what I did wrong and I don’t know how to fix it.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Robby replied. “I’m just grown up now and I want to live on my own. Can we just leave it at that, please?”

“No.” Johnny shook his head firmly. Something had gone horribly wrong here and he knew he couldn’t figure it out on his own. “Tell me.”

“Dad, if we do this, there would be no going back.” Robby said, slowly. “Nothing you say will make a difference after this. You need to understand that.”

_So I’m damned either way? No – he’s lying. There’s gonna be away to fix it. I’ll figure it out once I know what it is._

“Just tell me.” Johnny pleaded.

Robby closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “I’m just tired of feeling like I’m not good enough.”

_Not good enough? You?_ “Why would you feel like that?”

“Because of you.” Robby replied, looking down. “And mom. You made me feel like that all my life. That I wasn’t good enough to care for. Not good enough to spend time with. That there was always something better you’d rather be doing.”

He knew that already. Ofcourse Johnny knew that – It was just one of the thousand ways he’d failed Robby before. But that was in the past. It was over now.

_Is it? Is it ever truly over? Everything Sid and Kreese did – don’t you carry it with you everyday?_

_It’s different. I’m different. They never tried to make it right. I am._

“I know I was a shit father. And I know I’ll never truly make up for it.” Johnny said quietly. “But I changed. You have to believe that, right?”

“Yeah, you changed.” Robby nodded. “When Miguel came into your life.”

_So? Why does it matter why? This is about jealousy?_

“You changed for Miguel.” Robby continued. “But not for me. Because I wasn’t worth it, I guess.”

_No, no, no. That’s not how it was._

“That’s not true, okay? I did it for both of you. I…” Johnny looked at his son’s blank stare.

_He doesn’t believe me. He’s not going to believe me. Maybe if I’d said something sooner – before he shoved it in my face…_

_Nothing you say will make a difference…_

_No. Actions speak louder than words. And I showed him – all this time. Ever since we started living together. I’ve shown him how much I care._

“We’ve been living together for over a year.” Johnny argued. “You have to see that I’ve changed, right? That I care about you.”

Robby nodded. “Yeah. But you still make me feel like I’m not good enough.”

_How? How am I doing that?_

_You know how. By spending all that time with Miguel. By fawning over him every second of every day. By praising him to the moon while your actual son just stands there, watching._

_That’s different. Miguel is always so hungry for approval. So desperate for it. And Robby always acted like he didn’t care._

_So because he acted like he didn’t care you thought he didn’t need it?_

“It’s not a competition.” Johnny said. “I love both of you. There are no winners here.”

Robby shook his head. “You realize that there is nothing we share that Miguel isn’t a part of? That you share a lot more with him than you do with me?”

_I asked you to join Cobra Kai. I asked you a thousand times._

_Listen to what he is saying. He doesn’t want a copy of what you have with Miguel. He wants something just between the two of you. That’s what he needed and you didn’t even think about giving it to him._

“And do you realize that you’ve never actually said that you were proud of me?” Robby added. “Not even once. No matter what I did.”

_That’s not true. That can’t be true. You are so great at so many things – I must have said it sometime, right? Why can’t I remember a time when I told you how proud of you I am?_

_Because you never did. All those things he is great at, he didn’t get them from you. And you were too focused on being disappointed with yourself to even see what he needed._

_Fix it. Now._

“I _am_ proud of you.” Johnny said in a rush. “I am proud of how hard you work for everything. I am proud of how you took responsibility for your actions. I’m proud of how you can already stand on your own feet while I’m still figuring it out. I’m proud of all the things you are good at – karate, cars, skateboarding. Everything. Robby, I’m proud of you.”

Robby gave him a blank look. “It doesn’t mean anything if I have to ask for it.”

_It’s too late. I should’ve said all this before and now it’s too late._

“I told you already, right?” Robby continued. “If we do this, nothing you say will make a difference. I can’t trust anything you say now. I don’t know if you actually mean it or if you are just saying what I want to hear.”

_Prove it to him. Show him that you really do mean it._

_How?_

“Robby listen, you know I’m not good at this parenting thing.” Johnny pleaded. “I’ve always been a crappy dad, but I’m trying to be better. And you gotta show me how to be better. When you need something from me - ”

“You are not a crappy dad.” Robby interrupted quietly. “You are a great dad, actually. To Miguel.”

_No, I’m not. Just look at where he ended up because of me._

“I see the two of you together everyday and I can see how much you care for him.” Robby continued. “Being a dad to him just comes naturally to you. You don’t have to debate including him in things – you just do it. You don’t have to question whether he’d like something or no – you just share it with him anyway. You don’t have to think about telling him that you are proud of him – it just comes out of you.”

Johnny blinked, trying to think of something to say, but he couldn’t find the words.

“Look, I’m not blaming anyone here.” Robby kept going. “Miguel is a great guy and he deserves everything you give him. But I deserve more. I don’t deserve to feel like I come second to him, that I’m not good enough. And that’s how I feel here everyday. So I’d rather not be here at all.”

“You do deserve more.” Johnny croaked out. “I’m sorry I didn’t see that before – but I do now. I’ll fix this.”

“It’s too late now. I told you that already.” Robby closed his eyes. “If it was going to happen naturally, it’d have happened already. And I don’t want you to force yourself. I don’t want you to do it out of guilt or because you think you owe me. Do you get that?”

He did get it. He didn’t want to – he hated the idea, but he got where Robby was coming from. But how was the alternative any better?

“So you are going to move in with Daniel?”

Maybe it was better this way. Maybe it was time to accept defeat. Daniel had ended up being a better father to Robby than he could ever hope to be and for Robby’s sake, he’d have to accept it.

But Robby was shaking his head. “Mr. LaRusso has his own kids. They are always going to come first with him.”

“Then how are you going to get what you need?” Johnny asked, despairing.

“I won’t. That’s what this is about.” Robby replied. “I’m just tired of hoping and waiting and getting disappointed. So I just have to accept it now. That’s what I’m trying to do. That’s why I’m doing this.”

_It’s not fair. You deserve more. So much more. You shouldn’t have to accept it._

“Look, maybe some day I’ll be fine with feeling like this. With how things are.” Robby finished. “But until then, I need to be on my own. I just can’t live like this.”

_Some day you’ll be fine with this? Be fine with feeling like you are not good enough? No – that day should never come. I’d rather you hate me again, that you never want to see me again than ever be okay with that._


	5. Johnny II

Carmen came to him that night, after he’d already downed three beers and two scotches.

“It’s some sibling rivalry shit.” Johnny slurred. “It’s because he thinks I pay more attention to Miguel.”

“Don’t you?” She asked softly.

“Don’t tell me you are on his side.”

“There are no sides here.” Carmen said. “You both want the same thing. For you to be closer to him. To make him feel loved. If he doesn’t feel that then… you just have to try harder.”

“I will. I want to. But…” Johnny shook his head firmly. “No – he’s just being a child. Running away from home because he’s angry. Once he sees how tough it is out there…”

“I don’t think that’s fair, Johnny.” Carmen argued. “Miguel ran away from home a couple of times – when he was five and seven. He was always back by dinner because he couldn’t think of where else to go. It’s not the same here, you see that right? Robby isn’t throwing a tantrum. He has thought about it, made plans, figured out how he’s going to do it. It’s like his decision about college all over again and if you handle it the same way, you’ll just end up pushing him away.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?” Johnny asked, pleading. “How do I fix this?”

Carmen clearly didn’t have an answer either. “Maybe… maybe we should postpone moving in together. And I’ll take a step back. Miguel too. We’ll let you two figure it out.”

Johnny nodded. “He says it won’t matter though.” He told her. “Robby said that that would be a shitty thing to do and it won’t make anyone happy. That I’d just be doing it to make myself feel better by having done something pointless.”

“But it could still work.” Carmen said, closing her eyes. “And you need to talk to Daniel. And Sid.”

Johnny stared at her, disbelieving. Daniel he could understand – though that would be hard to swallow too – but Sid? Why would he ever talk to that asshole again?

“You can’t let your pride get in the way. Not again.” Carmen said, sternly. “You let your pride keep you from Robby for sixteen years. You let it keep you from telling him how much you cared about him. Johnny, if you can’t let go of it now then… then maybe Robby is right. Maybe you really don’t care about him as much as you say you do.”

* * *

Humbling himself to LaRusso was easier. Despite their history, Johnny knew that atleast Daniel wouldn’t lord it over his head. For all the good that did him.

“He listens to you.” Johnny argued. “I’m sure if you talk to him…”

“He listens to me because I respect his opinions.” Daniel replied, shaking his head.

“He’s just doing this because I told him about moving in with Carmen.” Johnny said. “If I’d just kept my mouth shut, none of this would be happening.”

LaRusso smiled sadly. “That’s not true. Robby has been talking about it for weeks now. He hasn’t been happy there for a while.”

Johnny stared at him, angry. _Thanks for the heads-up, asshole._

“I told him it wasn’t a good idea.” Daniel continued. “I told him living with you and working things out would be better. Or he could come live with us for a bit, until he felt better. But he wouldn’t hear of it. Johnny, he didn’t come to this decision lightly. And… I don’t think it’s out of anger either.”

_Not lightly… Dammit._ Anger was something Johnny could deal with. Something he could fix. Let Robby take it out on him. Let him punish his father. But if Robby had thought about it, considered it this carefully…

“I wish I’d just let the college thing go.” He said, frustrated. “So what if he doesn’t go to college? I shouldn’t have made him feel bad about it.”

“I’d have reacted the same way.” Daniel said. “If it’d been Sam who’d said that.”

_Yeah, because Sam’s your daughter and Robby isn’t your son, right?_

“Robby told me you were good with him not going.” Johnny said morosely. _If you’d been on my side on that…_

“Ofcourse, I’m not good with it.” Daniel snapped. “And ofcourse he’s going to college. Just not right away and just not the usual way. But he has too much potential to just waste it all working for me his whole life.”

Johnny stared at him. “I thought…” He stammered. “Robby said you respected his choice.”

“I do. And it’ll be his choice to go to college.” Daniel said, firmly. “He’ll get some life experience working with me. And he’ll see how much more he can do with the right education. He’ll want to go then. And he won’t have to worry about the money either – we’ll call it an investment in his future. The company will sponsor him and he can work it off in a bond for few years. And then he can do what he likes.”

_He already has it all figured out. There was no reason to fight with Robby over it._

“You could’ve told me all that.” Johnny reproached him.

“You didn’t ask.” Daniel replied, shrugging.

“Did you tell him all this?” Johnny asked. _If Robby knows there is a plan and that he doesn’t need to worry about the future… he could live at home and work with LaRusso._

“He’s not ready to hear it.” Daniel said, shaking his head. “Right now, he’ll think of it as charity. And I was pretty sure you’d have said the same thing to him.”

_Living off LaRusso’s scraps…_ Johnny remembered, flushing.

“He’ll always see it that way.” Johnny said softly. “He has always been a proud kid.” _Almost a proud man now._

Daniel scoffed. “You know, the older I get, the more I realize how useless that thing called pride is.” He said, smiling sadly. “It’s just money, Johnny. What good is it if you can’t spend it on people you care about?”

* * *

_It’s just money, right? Just money. You can’t take it to your grave with you, can you, you miserable old bastard? And it’s not like you got anyone else in your life._

“Knew you’d be back. Always knew it. Heh.” Sid scoffed. “So, how much do you need this time?”

_Don’t get angry. Don’t lose your temper. Remember why you are doing this._

“All of it.” Johnny said flatly. “Whatever you have. Or whatever you can spare.”

Sid chuckled derisively at his audacity.

“You got some balls on you, you know that?” He said, laughing. “You think I’m just gonna hand over everything I’ve worked for? Over my dead body.”

Johnny pointedly looked him up and down. “Doesn’t look like that’s going take long.” He said. “You planning on taking it all to the grave with you?”

Sid’s nostrils flared.

“Better than flushing it down the toilet.” He sneered. “That’s what it’d mean, leaving it all to you.”

“Well, I’m not asking you to do that.” Johnny said. “I’m asking you to give it to Robby.”

That got him, but just for a moment. The scorn had barely left his face before it was back.

“Comes to the same thing.” Sid said. “You couldn’t take care of your kid and now you want me to pay for a whole new generation of losers.”

_You know what he wants. You know what he has always wanted from you. Give it to him. It’ll be humiliating but is pride really worth it?_

“Robby is not a loser.” Johnny said. “Look, you are right about me, okay? Right about everything. I am a loser and I didn’t amount to much. I’m barely standing on my own at fifty. And who knows how long that will last. But Robby is different. He’s smart and he’s a hard worker. He already has a job and goes to school and earns more than either of us did at his age. He can already support himself. In fact, he is planning to. He says he’ll live on his own and earn his own money once he is eighteen. He’s nothing like me, alright? You had to keep bailing me out all my life – but he is already taking care of himself.”

That reached Sid. He actually looked a little impressed. The guy was a tight-fisted, misanthropic old asshole, but he did respect a hard worker.

“What is this job he has?” Sid asked, genuinely curious.

“He works at LaRusso Auto.” Johnny admitted, reluctantly.

“Ha – Isn’t that the guy who kicked your ass?” Sid laughed, getting a kick out of it. “You hate that guy and your son works for him? Guess Robby must hate you too.”

_Don’t correct him. Your misery makes him happy. Let him have it._

“So, if he is doing so well, what does he need my money for?” Sid asked. “Sounds like has got it made.”

“He doesn’t need it. But he deserves more.” Johnny explained. “You are right, okay? Leaving me the money would be just flushing it down the drain. But Robby can make something of himself. And he deserves that chance – more than I ever did. I can’t give him that chance because… I’m a loser. But you can.”

Sid pondered his proposal. _C’mon, you asshole. I’m humiliating myself here. I promised myself I’ll never come to you for anything ever again and I’m breaking that promise. If you make this all for nothing, then I am gonna kill you and then we’ll see who your money goes to._

“You take me for a fool?” Sid said, finally. “Robby’s still a kid, right? So you’ll control that money? Heh. You’ll drink away half of it before Robby sees a dime.”

_Fuck you, Sid._

“I don’t need to control it.” Johnny said instead. “You can put it in a trust. Attach whatever conditions you want to make sure Robby uses it right. And once you are sure he is not going to waste it, you can leave him the rest. I won’t get to touch a penny – you can make sure of that as well.”

Sid looked at him shrewdly, thinking over his words.

“Don’t think I don’t see your game here.” He said, with squinted eyes. “You’ll still be living off my money even after I’m gone. But instead of begging me for it, you’ll go begging to your son.”

_Damn you. Damn you, you miserable piece of shit. You think that little of me? That I’d go begging to my son for a handout?_

“What he does with the money would be up to Robby.” Johnny said, non-committal.

_This is what he wants. To feel validated. To think that he was right all along. To think that all the scorn and abuse he heaped on you was justified. Let him have it. If it gets Robby a fraction of what he deserves – what he should’ve had from you, then it’s a cheap price to pay._

Sid did seem to find that amusing.

“Alright.” He said. “Let me call up my lawyer. Set something up.”

* * *

Robby looked at the papers stone-faced. Then at Johnny. Then at the papers again.

“What the hell is this?” He said. “I already told you I don’t need your money.”

“It’s not mine.” Johnny replied. “It’s your grandfather’s. And when you turn twenty-one, it’ll be yours.”

Robby blinked at him suspiciously.

“I haven’t seen the guy since I was – what? – three?” He said. “He doesn’t even know me. You are saying that he just decided to leave me all this out of nowhere? And you had nothing to do with it?”

Johnny pursed his lips, considering. _Should I try to spin this, somehow? No – he deserves the truth._

“I asked him to do it because it was the only thing I could think of to do for you.” Johnny told him. “To show you how much I care about you.”

“Guess you showed me then…” Robby said, sarcastically.

“Robby, this is a good thing, okay?” Johnny argued. “You can use it for whatever you want. You won’t have to worry about money again.”

“If you start lecturing me about college again, I swear to God - ”

“I won’t. This isn’t about that.” Johnny interrupted him. “Not completely. This is about giving you options in life. You can use it to pay for college. You can use it to start a business Or you can invest it. Or just let it sit in the bank and give it to your own children someday. It’s completely up to you, alright?”

Robby regarded him suspiciously. “And why would Sid agree to that?”

“Because I told him you’ll put it to good use.” Johnny replied. “I told him that you could make something of yourself – more than I can now. And investing it in you would be better than trying to take it to the grave.”

Robby wasn’t convinced. “I’m not taking charity. I didn’t earn this, okay?”

“Who the hell does?” Johnny said, sadly. “You think I earned it all those times Sid bailed me out of trouble? You think Miguel earned his mom saving up for college? Or Sam earned having a rich dad?”

Robby didn’t say anything. They both knew that the system was unfair - but if it could sometime be unfair in their favor…

“Every kid deserves this chance, okay?” Johnny continued. “Every kid deserves to have options at this age. Including you. That’s not something you earn right away – that’s something you become worthy of. I couldn’t do that, but I know you can.”

“And all I need to do in return is stick around.” Robby said, quietly.

_This is your chance. Take it. You know he wants this. He acted like he didn’t but that was when he felt like he had no choice. But he wants options for himself, even if he ends up not choosing them._

_And you can use that. Use this to keep him around. To take care of him. It’ll take time but you’ll get through to him eventually. He’ll end up seeing how much you love him. That you can put him first too. Even after all your failures, he’s giving you another chance. Take it._

“No. No strings attached here.” Johnny said. “It’s not even my money, kid. And I won’t ask you to do anything for it.”

Robby looked at him, surprised.

“I want you to stick around.” Johnny continued. “But more than that, I want you to want to stick around. I know I didn’t give you even a fraction of what you deserved all your life and this? It doesn’t even come close to making up for it. I do want to prove myself to you. And I do want to do better, make you feel better…”

“But…”

“But it won’t mean anything unless you are ready to believe it.” Johnny said. “I know I screwed up again and right now, I know that you only see this as me trying to prove a point. Right?” Robby nodded tersely. “You don’t deserve it – the way I make you feel. And I can promise that I won’t make you feel that way anymore, but you are not ready to believe that, are you?”

Robby sighed and nodded again.

“This is just… me trying to make sure you are taken care of.” Johnny finished. “And I hope you’ll give me another chance someday. I hope I can do enough to earn that. But that needs to be your choice. When you are ready for it.”

“And what if I’m never ready?” Robby asked softly.

Johnny flinched.

“Then I’ll spend every day of my life regretting that I was never good enough for you.”


	6. Robby I

He had no reason to feel guilty, right? Or did he? There were plenty of reasons, ofcourse, but weren’t they outweighed by him doing the right thing? Had he done the right thing? Hadn’t he?

He had made choices – choices that had hurt people. His father, for sure. They were different people, him and Johnny. And Johnny had more in common with Miguel. What was so wrong with him liking Miguel better? Why should he be made to feel bad about it? Shouldn’t Robby have just made do with whatever Johnny was giving him?

He’d hurt Carmen too – and he hadn’t meant to. She wasn’t his mom, but he liked her well enough. She didn’t deserve to feel like Robby had left because of her.

And Miguel… Robby was smart enough to know that his decision was going to have repercussions there as well. Miguel had done nothing wrong. In fact, if it hadn’t been for him, Johnny would’ve never changed and Robby wouldn’t have gotten even this much time with his father. He didn’t deserve to feel like he’d come between them. And now, no doubt, Johnny would feel guilty and pull away from Miguel and Miguel would feel guilty and let him and it’d be all because of Robby.

What he did was selfish. But it was okay to be selfish sometimes, right? Was he supposed to spend his life, miserable, just making others happy? Just making them feel better about themselves? Didn’t he deserve more?

And he had been miserable. It was a feeling he’d had all his life – that constant pain in his chest, that unrelenting yearning for something from his dad or his mom. The look that he had seen other parents give their kids. The look that he’d seen Johnny give Miguel that day.

He’d gotten a taste of it with Mr. LaRusso for the very first time. After all the frustrating work with the chores, when he’d finally seen the point of it all. When his body had moved almost as if on its own, blocking and dodging the punches and the kicks. He had seen that look and he had felt a current run through him. He’d felt his heart swell up in his chest and he’d felt his blood rush to his face. He had loved that feeling. He had wanted to feel that way, again and again, forever.

And he had gotten that from Mr. LaRusso. But somehow, it didn’t feel like it was enough. Especially not once Sam had started training with them. It was subtle, but Robby had felt the difference – when Mr. LaRusso gave Sam the same look, it felt deeper somehow. Richer. Like Robby was getting a pale imitation of the real thing. What he needed, he’d realized, was for Johnny to look at him that way.

But with Johnny, that look was already spoken for. By Miguel.

_Unconditional._ That was the difference, Robby realized at some point. Sam never had to do anything to earn that look from Mr. LaRusso. She could just be busy on her phone and Mr. LaRusso would still end up looking at her like that. But Robby had to work for it, to prove himself, to do something right to get it.

It was the same with Miguel and Dad. Johnny always looked at him that way – even when all he was doing was falling on his ass during sparring. And with him Robby couldn’t even earn it. No matter what he did, whether it was karate or fixing cars, Johnny had always looked annoyed. Like it was never good enough.

He’d hated Miguel for it at first. Blamed him for “stealing” his dad. But that hadn’t been fair. Miguel was a great guy. Earnest, hard-working, smart, kind, forgiving – even after everything that had happened to him, everything Robby had done to him. Robby couldn’t hold it against him anymore. Miguel deserved that from Johnny, every day of the week.

_But so do I, right?_

He’d made his decision the night after the college fight. He’d been so proud of his choice – not of the fact that he wasn’t good enough for college, but of how he’d accepted the reality and decided to make the best of it. He’d considered his options, weighed the pros and cons, researched alternatives and come to a considered, mature, _adult_ decision. That much, atleast, was something to be proud of, right? Even if Johnny didn’t agree, he could’ve atleast respected the amount of effort Robby had put into it? Instead of treating him like the disappointment of the family.

It was the right decision – for himself. He just couldn’t take it anymore, living there, feeling like an intruder in his own home. Even his last few weeks there had felt wrong. Johnny had pulled out all the stops – focusing solely on him. He’d taken a break from Cobra Kai, from Carmen, from Miguel, from everything. He’d spent hours talking to Robby about nothing, taking him out for dinners, taking him on day-trips, convincing him to show off his Miyagi-Do moves, watching him skateboard. But it’d all felt fake. Forced. All Robby had seen there was guilt and desperation and that was never what he’d wanted. Or needed.

He wasn’t going to be an obligation. He wasn’t going to be a box that Johnny checked on his list of things to make right. He wanted more. He deserved more. And if Johnny couldn’t give that to him then… then let him figure out his own guilt. Robby had made this choice for himself and it was the right one.

_Is it?_ He asked himself staring at the cold dinner-for-one. _Aren’t you just doing it out of pride. Hurting others and yourself for no reason at all? Atleast back home you had a warm dinner waiting for you every day._

_Maybe I should go back…_

_You think they’ll let you back in? After you rejected them like that?_

_Dad said I could come back at any time._

_And is that what you want? To run back with your tail between your legs? To be treated like that again? You chose this. And now you just have to live with it._

* * *

A loud knock on the door interrupted his reverie.

“Yo! Open up, bro.” Came the voice without.

_Dammit. Third time this week. Maybe he’ll go away if I ignore him._

“I know you are in there.” Miguel shouted again. “And you know I can break this door down. You have until three. One. Two…”

Robby was sure that he wasn’t actually going to break the door down, but he didn’t want to risk losing his deposit this soon after getting the apartment.

“Get out!” Robby said coldly, ignoring the grin on Miguel’s face.

“I’m not in yet.” Miguel replied, pushing his way past Robby.

Robby huffed in frustration as he grabbed Miguel by the collar as soon as he was in.

“Hey, hey!” Miguel said as Robby tried to push him out. “Is that any way to treat the guy who brings you food?”

Robby paused. He wasn’t actually too keen on that dinner-for-one.

“What food?” He asked suspiciously.

“Lasagna. For two.” Miguel smirked, as if he had won already. “Mom said that she noticed that you liked it. That you always went for second helpings. Not that you ever let her know.”

Robby let him go, annoyed and Miguel happily went into the kitchen, rummaging around for dishes. He casually put Robby’s packed dinner back in the freezer before taking out containers from his backpack.

“Why don’t you just eat at home?” Robby asked, frowning.

“And miss our conversations?” Miguel smirked. “Not a chance.”

“What conversations?” _Dad was the one you really talked to._

“You know? Me running my mouth off and you staring at me sullenly.” Miguel grinned. “It really tied the whole evening together. I miss that.”

Robby huffed and sat down. _Why doesn’t he leave me alone? He has what he wants, right? My dad all to himself? Why is he acting like he cares about me?_

“Oh – before I forget, you have to come back this weekend.” Miguel said. “We are having a little get-together. The LaRussos are coming over.”

_Dad inviting Mr. LaRusso over? Glad he is expanding his social circle._

“I’m sure you guys can manage without me.” Robby said, quietly.

“It’s a party for you, dumbass.” Miguel scoffed. “Between all the moving out and the arguing over moving out and us staying away so that you wouldn’t move out, we didn’t actually celebrate your eighteenth birthday. So we are doing it right this weekend. And you are coming even if I have to drag you there myself.”

What the hell was he supposed to say to that? He could hardly refuse without looking like a jackass. Didn’t these people get what the whole point of him moving out was?

“Oh – and Sensei wants it to be a surprise, but I thought I’d give you a heads-up anyway.” Miguel continued, not caring about an answer. “He’s giving you the Challenger as a gift.”

_Stop it. Stop it with these gestures of guilt. That’s not what I want. And it’s too late now._

“He wanted to do it before, but he figured you wouldn’t want to be caught dead in a Cobra Kai car.” Miguel went on, heedless. “So he was having it redone with Miyagi-Do theme. At LaRusso Auto – if that makes you feel any better.”

_Why bother? Why not just give it to Miguel. That’s what you really want, right?_

“Great. A clunker for my eighteenth birthday.” Robby said sarcastically. “Yay!”

“See? This is why I had to ruin the surprise.” Miguel said, reproachfully. “So that you don’t act like an ass. That car means a lot to Sensei, okay? There is history there.”

“He got it from Mr. LaRusso like two years ago.” Robby countered.

“Well, there is someone’s history there.” Miguel shrugged. “And you better practice your reaction right. It means a lot to Sensei to give you that. And to Mr. LaRusso. So don’t spoil it, okay?”

“Why don’t _you_ just ask for it? Since you know how much it means.” Robby said, annoyed. “I’m sure dad would love to pass it on to you.”

“That old clunker? Please.” Miguel smirked. “The thing breaks down like twice a day. It needs someone who can take care of it. Someone who actually knows shit about cars. And that ain’t me.”

Robby huffed in annoyance as Miguel got the heated container out of the microwave and upended it on two plates. He snatched the fork out of Miguel’s hand and they sat down on the opposite sides of the kitchen counter, digging in.

“Why do you keep coming over?” Robby asked, still annoyed. “You are not gonna guilt me into coming back. You know that right?”

“Yeah.” Miguel said, pursing his lips and shrugging. “But I miss my brother. Isn’t that good enough?”

“We are not - ” Robby started.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Miguel interrupted. “We are not brothers. Except only brothers can be such assholes to each-other and still love each-other.”

“I don’t love you.” Robby said, feeling like a cranky toddler.

“Sure.” Miguel glossed right over it. “You just put up with me because I bring you food. I can live with that.”

The guy just didn’t know when to quit. Was that how he’d convinced Johnny to teach him? _Well, it won’t be for long. He’ll grow bored and soon enough, he’ll be off to college._

“By the way, I got accepted to UCLA.” Miguel continued. “And I’m going there.”

“Congratulations.” Robby said, dryly. “You don’t even have to leave home to go to college.”

Miguel smirked at him smugly. Like he was about to pull one over him.

“What?” Robby asked.

“I checked the distance.” Miguel replied, grinning wide. “This place is actually the closest to the campus. Closer than Reseda. So I’ll be over here all the time. And you’ll be coming over to parties and stuff in your new car. Maybe that’ll get you to change your mind about college.”

_Mother-fucker._ Robby stared at him, fork halfway to his mouth as Miguel went back to his food. _This asshole just won’t leave me alone. He’s gonna follow me around my whole life like a puppy, isn’t he?_

“No.” Robby said flatly. “I’m not gonna put up with that shit. You can just eat your food and go.”

“’Fraid not.” Miguel said, faking a wince. “They kicked me out for the night. So I’m sleeping here tonight. I came prepared. Think I might’ve forgotten my underwear though. It’s cool if I borrow yours, right?”

“No, it isn’t.” _Does he not understand boundaries._ “You can’t sleep on my couch whenever you want.”

“Ofcourse not.” Miguel said casually. “I’m sleeping with you in your bed. The couch is bad for my back.”

Robby just stared at him.

“Don’t worry – I’ll keep my hands to myself. You are not my type anyway.” Miguel rambled on. “You know, I think you made the right decision moving out. Those two can’t keep their hands off each-other. They are not even married yet and they already act like newly-weds. I’m thinking of getting out of there myself.”

“Stop it.” Robby said, fuming. “Just stop it.”

Miguel looked guilty suddenly.

“You know I’m just messing around, right?” He said, contritely. “Nobody is happy back home since you left. We all miss you.”

“STOP IT!” Robby yelled, letting his fork drop with a clatter. “Stop doing this shit. You think you can just push me into coming back? Just keep pushing and pushing until - ”

“That’s not what I’m doing.” Miguel said, not looking up. “I’m not asking you to come back.”

Robby put his head down, pinching the bridge of his nose and trying to get his emotions under control. Miguel came around the counter, putting his arm around Robby’s shoulder and pulling him close. Robby felt his chin on top of his head.

“Look, Sensei isn’t the only one who is sorry, okay?” Miguel said. “I took you for granted too and I’m sorry about that. If I were you, I wouldn’t want to come back either. So, I guess I respect your decision here.”

“So what the hell are you doing here?” Robby asked.

“I just… don’t want you to be alone.” Miguel replied. “You moved out because you were hurting, but you didn’t actually want to be alone, right?”

“Why do you care?” Robby wheezed out. “Why aren’t you trying to make my dad feel better about himself? He was the only reason we spent any time together in the first place.”

“I know. And I’m sorry about that too.” Miguel pulled him in tighter. “Look, this isn’t about Sensei. Really. I’m not sure what this is about. I just know that you were around all the time and I liked that. And I didn’t realize how much I liked it until you were gone. So I guess I feel bad about that and I want to have that.”

“Why would you want to be around me?” _Isn’t the only reason to want me around to show my dad how much better you are. That doesn’t work with my dad not around._

“I don’t know.” Miguel shrugged. “Do I need a reason? I mean, you don’t have to do anything for me to want that. I like being around even when you are kind of being an ass. Like right now.”

Robby sighed and he felt Miguel kiss his hair. _That’s okay, right? Brothers do that. And I don’t want to be alone either. Even if I can’t deal with dad’s guilt right now, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to have Miguel around more._

“Fine - you can stay the night. Just one night.”

He felt Miguel’s smile against him and leaned into the hug.

**The End.**


End file.
